I was sitting at my computer screen totally engulfed in Facebook.....the center of my universe....I kid - I kid.....ok back to the subject....I was sitting at my computer scrolling down the homepage when a post caught my eye....a post about a young woman's blog that had just recently gotten back from her first mission trip to Honduras.....thanks to a wonderful Godly woman - Amanda Hammett - my eyes have been opened to the wonderful work amazing people are doing in Honduras. I am a follower of a blog called A Hope and A Future....it is a blog by an amazing woman named Morgan who is in Honduras doing God's work on a daily basis......ok now that you are totally confused and lost because I went off on like 62 tangents about the initial subject......I will try to summarize where I started and where I am going.....Amanda Hammett is my friend on Facebook....she posted about Morgan H.'s blog "A Hope and A Future" on Facebook one day. Through this post I came to know about; and follow the Christian work being done in Honduras.....ok now roll forward to today....
This actual day right here ----> August 12, 2011
Which is how my post sort of started before I completely lost each and every reader through my random thought process.....On this day (August 12, 2011) I was sitting at my computer surfing Facebook when I came across another post by an amazing young woman; Cassie, who had returned from her first mission trip to Honduras. Her blog post was titled "Chasing HIS dreams for me!: I learned what love really means..." In this blog post she states that while in Honduras she learned about unconditional love. She posted several pictures from her trip along with tons of examples of the love being shown by the people on a constant basis....not just a daily basis, but on a constant basis.....every time she turned around she was looking in the face of love....I loved her entire post, but the closing thoughts of her blog are the words that really hit home and opened my eyes.....
They were these.....
"My ending thoughts are this....its easy to get caught up in the day to day drama we call life, with the need for acceptance and acknowledgement and appreciation, searching for love in all the wrong places. When there is someone who will unconditionally show us these things if we will only just listen and look to Him. Let Him love you, let Him be the one who accepts you and appreciates you, the one who no matter how many times you fail will always be the one who never fails you."
Now rewind to the very beginning paragraph of my blog....
The tears were flowing and I couldn't stop them.....my heart was hurting.....hurting so bad that the tears came faster and the sobs came harder....the pain was something I had never felt before....never experienced.....never knew......
These were the emotions I felt after a simple softball game of Hailey's. We had been at the ballfield all day long and I was physically exhausted. Little did I know I was also emotionally exhausted. I was so upset, and Phil kept asking me why was I so upset? Why were the tears flowing? Why couldn't I stop sobbing? How could he make it better? I just kept telling him I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. When in all actuality I was upset because I was an outsider and I felt like I didn't belong. Remember the part about being at the ballfield all day long???....While being at the ballfield all day long I was constantly thinking about the fact that I wasn't really friends with any of the Mama's of the girls on Hailey's team. Yes, I would have casual conversation with them during the breaks in between games, but I wasn't sitting in a circle of friendship on the bleachers during the games, and I sure wasn't huddled up under a tent passing secrets with three or four other women. Now don't get me wrong, my husband is my best friend, but there's something a little saddening about the fact that I was at the ballfield all day long, and I wasn't sharing in the for lack of a better term "Gossip and Drama" of the other Mama's who were huddled together on the bleachers whispering and cackling......I continued to think about this all the way home....In my mind I felt like I had failed, like I didn't make it as a "Step-Mama" because I wasn't involved in the conversations of the other mama's.....Take this constant scrutinizing of my own actions, add that to the intense heat of a summer in Alabama, divide that by the fact that we had been at the ball field from 8 AM to 9 PM and what do you get??? An emotional breakdown by yours truly.....
Now we all know that none of that really mattered, but at the time it was HUGE to me!!!
Now Fast Forward back to today.....
These words hit me square in the mouth.....I read these and the only thing I could think of was how could you be so stupid? Why could you lose sight of the bigger picture? It doesn't matter that I don't hang out with all of those other mama's....it doesn't matter that they gossip and whisper about who knows what?.....the only thing that should matter is the unconditional love.....Firstly, the unconditional love of MY FATHER the LORD above, and Secondly, the unconditional love of my HUSBAND, my BEST FRIEND. As I sit here and write this I feel a peace washing over me because I know that it is easy to get caught up in the day to day drama we call life, but that the drama of life doesn't matter if you know who you are loved by and who you can turn to. The one thing we as humans lose sight of all the time is where the truth and honesty and safety lies. We lose sight of the real deal.....God is our light and our path, and his love will continue to drive us through every toil and tribulation we may face, but the part of it all that I love the most is......When I started this blog it was a place for me to come to so I could voice my thoughts about being a SMIT.....Today I learned something else about life....I learned that worrying about the little things never make the big things better.....In learning this I can focus on all of the wonderful amazing things in my life through clear eyes....the hazy cloud has been blown away.....I can clearly see what is important and worth worrying over, and I can clearly see that the little things I worried about on that emotional day in the dead middle of the summer were not worth it.
Thank you Amanda Hammett for putting this blog in my path, thank you God for showing her how to be a wonderful woman of your word, but most importantly thank you Cassie for showing me through the power of a few words we all can learn a little more about ourselves and life. Also, in believing I can become a stronger, better person I will undoubtedly become a better SMIT!!! And for this I am grateful, because that my friends is the best thing out of it all!
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