Wednesday, September 14, 2011
I wish I could say that it is always sunny in SMITville, but we all know that isn't true. SMITville has it's ups and downs just like any family that doesn't have step or half siblings, or ex-wives/husbands. One of the clouds covering up my sun, and raining on my parade is the cloud of disappointment. As I have said in previous posts if it involves more than just myself I don't go into a lot of detail, because A) that isn't exactly fair and B) this is about me becoming a better SMIT not about spreading my family skeletons all over the internet. In saying that, disappointment is weighing heavily on my heart today. Phil and I try hard to be good examples for the kiddos and to be there when times get tough. The bad thing about all of that is no matter how hard you try, or how much you care, children hide the truth, keep secrets, and are influenced by outside occurrences that we as parents have no control over.
As a child I hardly ever heard the term I am disappointed in you. I hated to disappoint my parents. That look in their eyes hurt me more than I ever thought one look could. Disappointment is not something that was easily shaken off in my house either. I remember one time in the fourth grade I forgot about a geography assignment we had due. It was a packet of worksheets. On the day it was due, instead of the teacher taking it up and grading it, we all swapped papers and our classmates graded it. Talk about super humiliation, not only had I forgotten about the assignment, here I was swapping it with someone else and he was going to see just how poorly I did.
After I went home and confessed my forgetfulness to my parents that look of disappointment hit first, and it hit the hardest. Then came something I couldn't believe. Where I had already forgotten to complete the assignment and had already been given a grade on it, my parents made me complete it, and complete it right, then I had to take it back to school and turn it in. Could it get any worse? In the fourth grade no it couldn't, but looking back on it I see the lesson they were trying to teach me. The lesson of responsibility for my actions. Responsibility for my failure. The lesson of not trying to blame someone else for my forgetfulness, but stepping up to the plate and actually striking out all on my own. I didn't need to blame it on anyone else, I had made the mistake myself.
Now as a parent, it is so much harder to see the kiddos make a mistake, but it is something they are going to have to learn. Right now they all see through rose colored glasses and think the world is such an easy place to be in and everything happens so perfectly.
I love to hear them talk about how they can barely wait to turn 18 and graduate. Like 18 is a magic number where you become an adult and life becomes easy!!! If they only knew???!!!????? God love em'
Back to my disappointment cloud, I hate being disappointed, and I most especially hate being disappointed by the children. I want them to want for themselves, not for me. I want them to see how important succeeding really is. I want them to see how much easier succeeding makes life!!! Now for the hard part...to teach them this. To instill in them this value and appreciation for life and all it has in store for them!!!
Life is Good!!!!! You just have to know how to see it!!!! :)